I hate everything, except me

Mr. Pessimistic For President 2008

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 02:16:29 GMT

Anyone who read my last campaign in 2004 might be saying, "again?". Yes, again. Sure all of my previous policies are still intact, but now there's even more, and they're even better.

The Elections are coming up and I've come to the realization that I don't like any of the candidates running. I think the country has seen enough of the retarded republicans so I won't even get into that. Right now I'll just focus on the limp-wristed liberal democrats.

Hillary Clinton
Come on now, a woman president? It's not that I'm a shovanist...ok, I am a shovanist. But let me list off some of the reasons why a woman should never be president.
1. They'll spend more time complaining about how it's too hot or too cold during press conferences.
2. If a national crisis occurs during the middle of the night, she won't be able to address the situation right away because she'll need at least two hours to get ready.
3. We'll be at some random war 5 days out of every month.
4. I don't like to imagine what my president would be like in the sack, and if they spit or swallow.
5. Women belong in one place, and it's called a kitchen.
I could go on and on, but we all know women shouldn't be running anything but a vacuum cleaner, so I don't really need to continue. Next.
Barack Obama
A black president sounds pretty good to me right now for some reason. But I have only one problem, the mother fucker ain't black.
If I'm going to vote for a black guy, I want a Colt 45 drinkin', dick slangin', gang bangin' thug who keeps "dat glock in his drawers" and rides in a '64 Impala...or Mr. T. Any time he talks it should be in rhyme, and he should always say "Know what I'm sayin'" any time there's a pause in his speeches. I see none of this, all I see is a white guy with a 3rd dregree tan.
Where's the Du-rag? Where's the Rocawear? Where's the bling? Where's the gold chains and the big clock? I have never once seen the man carrying in a 40 oz. Fuck that motherfucker, he frontin' yo. If Barack wants my vote, he needs a ghetto makeover, much like this.

So that's that. The candidates this term are all worthless, know what I'm sayin'? So I've decided to run myself, know what I'm sayin'?

And here are a few things that I plan on taking care of.

Liberals

Since I started bashing them to begin with, I'll go ahead and finish Liberals are assholes. They say they want freedom but ask the government to babysit us. They say they want equality but do everything in their power to destroy religion. Not that I personally give a fuck about religion, but last time I checked being able to bible thump was a freedom, and to disallow such thumping would thus eliminate equality. So basically they're all walking contradictions. I also don't care much about equality, so eliminating Liberals will be right and just after I'm your president. But what about freedom you ask? They'll still be free to be Liberals, they'll just be executed because of it. But here's a list of few things that will help you sniff out a Liberal, which you can then turn them in to your local authorities for immediate disposal. Or to find out if you yourself are a Liberal, which you can either go into hiding, or change your tone real quick-like before you get obliterated. Most are stolen, one I made up, but all are accurate.

So in the style of that pig fucking Jeff Foxworthy:

YOU MIGHT BE A LIBERAL IF...

1. Your father wore flowers and your mother wore army boots in the sixties.
2. You think the government can solve your personal problems
3. You think the answer to any crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.
5. You think a criminal has more rights than the police who arrest him, unless the crime is sexual harassment or racism.
6. You had to be told that “Manhattan,” “menopause” and “boycott” were not sexist words.
7. Your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.
8. You think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're extremists.
9. You think free love is sheik and still wonder why your third marriage just went down the shitter.
10. You wear a red ribbon to show your support for a cure for AIDS but oppose all animal experimentation needed to find that cure.
11. You think the second amendment is the right to keep and bear a white flag.
12. You begin sentences with the words “I feel.”
13. You have ever said out loud, “Why can’t we all just get along?”
14. You think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".
15. You don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they "won't do the right thing".
16. You think that lowering the standards for school children is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited".
16. You complain that your community has too many white people and the Catholic church doesn't have enough ethnicity, but you're the first one with a for sale sign in your yard when blacks start moving in.
17. You scream if a CEO sleeps with an employee but think that Clinton receiveing oral sex from an Intern is just fine.
18. You blame the Unabomber’s parents.
19. You cry your eyes out at the thought of baby seals getting clubbed, but the thought of an unborn baby getting cut out of a woman's pussy doesn't even make you bat an eye.

And last but not least, You Might Be a Liberal if...

20.Your FIVE-YEAR-OLD tells YOU what to do!

War
I'm not going to worry everyone with the War. I'll first start off by bringing every American soldier home, and doing what should have been done in every war, total domination and elimination of the entire opposing population. And by opposing I mean everyone that's not us. We will bomb the shit out of every country on earth and dominate the entire world. Some of you may think that's a little bit Hitler-ish, but in the long run it works for the best. Billions may die, but if we turn the world into one huge country that I run, then there will be no other dictators to oppose of my supreme power. That's the only way you hippies will ever get your life long pipe dream that you call "world peace". In conclusion, there will be no future wars, and no more deaths. That's what we smartums like to call sacrifice.
Cyclists
Don't you just hate it when you're driving down the street and some asshole with wedgie tight bike shorts and a shark fin helmet is hogging the road on his 20 speed? These fuckheads usually go no more than 15 mph in the middle of the road while you have to swerve them to avoid a hitting them and facing a big lawsuit, but instead you smash into the family of four in the other lane and face an even bigger lawsuit. There's a place for people to ride their shitty bicycles, it's called a sidewalk, no one uses sidewalks for walking anymore, they either drive or ride a God damned bike. So you fitness fags had better start using the fucker. Anyone caught riding their bike on the street will be punished by death. Striking them with your car is encouraged, and a possible reward may be granted for stopping these hardened criminals.

Personal Choice and Responsibility
Public smoking will go back into effect, Supersizing will be implemented back into McDonalds' menus, marijuana will be legal yet again, and any simple pleasure that has been taken away from us in the past by people who want to protect us from ourselves will be legalized again. Drugs stores will have an entirely new meaning. No longer will you be sued because some retard snuck in your back yard and had his ass eaten off by your dog. No longer will you be blamed for what other people have done to themselves when all you did was provide the possibility for them to do it. Are you fat? Guess what, that's your own God damn fault, sue yourself. No one forced you to eat double cheeseburgers and buckets of cookie dough ice cream. Did you get lung cancer from smoking? Cigarettes didn't give you cancer, you gave it to yourself. You get the drift yet? Health Nazis, Finger pointers, do-gooders, busy bodies, and the "let's ban this because I don't like it" type will no longer have any clout after I'm president. Instead they will be chastised, castrated, and banished from the land!
Cigarettes
Since I mentioned cigarettes already, I'll go into full detail on what I plan on doing with them. I'm sure by now you've noticed that the economy is going to shit in this country And you've noticed that a lot of states and cities are banning smoking indoors and stupid organizations like "truth" are scaring people into quitting. A coinkidink? I think not.
Cigarettes make the God damn world go round. They're bigger than Britney Spears, New Kids on the Block, American Idol, and Barry Manilow put together. This once great nation flourished on the sale of tobacco alone. Did you know that tobacco plants used to only grow in America? That's right. Before Christopher Columbus came to America and fairly traded the Indians pretty beads for all of this land we live on today, tobacco didn't grow anywhere else in the world. Why? Because America has the biggest balls, and Chris knew this. He tried bringing some tobacco plants back to Europe in hopes that it would grow a pair of balls at least half the size of ours, but their sissy soil only made for sissy tobacco, the kind that doesn't even give you cancer. That's why over there they call them fags. So Chris came back to the Americas and singlehandedly defeated the Native Americans with the dreaded Yakuza kick. But regardless, the whole world now grows tobacco and everyone is happy, except of course the moral police.
Well here's something that the moral police might not like. Everything that has to do with smoking will be legal again, T.V. commercials, bulletin board ads, Camel Joe, you name it, it'll be legal. And I'm changing the legal age to smoke to 5 yeard old, or 3 if you're with a parent.

Florida
This is like hitting two birds with one stone. Florida is nothing but the useless flaccid limped dick of America. A dick where half the people don't know a word of English, and the other half are nothing but old people and their fucking parents. After I'm your leader, Florida will be cut off at the border and shifted right where it belongs, next to Cuba, and of course Floridians will be forbidden to vote like they should have been in the first place. Think about it, the illegal immigrant population would drop at least 50%. So if you like Florida, you'd better move there soon, because Americans will not be permitted to visit it any longer. And if you live in Florida but plan on going anywhere else in the country you'd better move out, because anyone caught trying to come back from Florida will be shot on sight, and I will personally rape and kill your entire family. Here is an example of what Florida might look like after you elect me.
The Sun
If you think about it, the sun is pretty useless now. You don't need it to tan anymore, tanning salons have taken care of that. We can use sun lamps to grow crops and trees for food and oxygen, as well as for you worthless pussies that use sun lamps to keep yourself from slitting your wrists. So think about it, what good is the sun when we have the technology to replace it? It's only going to engulf the Earth in several billion years anyway, and as we all know it's the major culprit for global warming. How, you ask? Well think about this; If there were no sun, we could run factories all day long and not have to worry because the sun wouldn't be bringing in any heat for the pollution to hold in. So eliminating now it would be best for all of mankind. Can you imagine how great Earth would be without the hot ass sun? No more heat strokes, no more having to peel your balls off your inner thigh, you'll never have to deal with those bastard children in your neighborhood selling crappy lemonade for $2 a glass, people will never have to look at you in those ridiculous sunglasses you paid $150 for, etc. You ever have to drive against the sun? Sucks doesn't it? Well imagine not having to worry about that anymore after I'm president, along with endless problems and discomforts that the sun causes. This problem will be taken care of immediately. I've made up a plan to show you just exactly how I'll handle this situation.
See? It's fuckin simple.

The Elderly
Since I was on the subject of useless things, lets start with old people. Face it, they've lived their lives as fully as they can. Once their peak has been reached it's all downhill from there. I've always seen old people as talking babies, which is a bad mix. That is why I'm passing a law that will require old people to be put to sleep at a certain age or once they're unable to take care of themselves, whichever comes first. Think of all the money that would be saved on Depends, medication, dentures, moth balls, wheelchairs, walkers, canes, and all that other shit by just accepting fate. Instead, we could use that money for their grandchildren's education. The percentage of automobile accidents would drop dramatically, and much like Floridans, an elderly person's vote is about as worthless as fallopian tubes on a dyke.

Look at it like this, when your dog gets too old and unhealthy, what do you do? Put it to sleep. When someone gets pregnant and doesn't want the baby, what usually happens? Abortion (About equivalent to putting it to sleep) So why do old people get to suck up our resources? Little Sparky had to be put down because it was cheaper to kill him rather than buying medicine for his arthritis. Suzy the walking sperm bank just had her triplets cut out from her cunt because she was too lazy to take care of them, so what makes old people so fucking special? They're nothing but a breathing corpse, and we're going to need that oxygen, trust me. They don't have anything else to live for, and can't be a productive member of society because they can't get up to do anything without breaking their hip. It's time to go geezers, out with the old, in with the new. I know I'll have their votes, they want to die anyway, there's just no one else willing to put them out of their misery.
Cameras
Remember when you used to be able to moon or flash people without worrying that you might be under surveillance or some dipshit with a cameraphone could be snapping pictures or recording you? Or how about when you could run a red light and only get a ticket if a cop saw you do it? I sure the fuck do. Camera's have done nothing useful for society other than giving us crotch shots of female celebrities which I humbly admit that I masturbate to on a constant basis. But even as your new leader I am willing to sacrifice a few things that I love for your mooning, flashing, and red light running pleasure.
I figure this will be the hardest task to complete since you cock smokers will have a difficult time getting rid of your Iphones and camcorders, so I will start the Anti-Camera Coalition, which will air on Thursdays at 10pm Central time after Lost.
Abortion and Execution
I will make all forms of execution legal again, from beheading to the electric chair. Except for lethal injection, because that shit is for pussies. For abortion, I will change the legal age to abort babies to five years old. And they will both be telivised on the Disney Channel.
Retards
There's only one place for retards, and that's called a circus, that's all.
Starving Children Not From America
Eat this.
I know you'll make the right choice. Vote for Freedom, vote for Liberty, vote for Mr. Pessimistic.

McDonalds Made You Fat, You Say?

Thu, 08 May 2008 08:42:54 GMT

Find Out Who You Can Blame

If you fit in either one of these categories:

1. You never really knew how unhealthy McDonald's food really was until you saw "Supersize Me".
2. You love pointing your finger in the wrong direction for your weight problem (i.e. anywhere but yourself)....

Then here's proof to show how dumb you really are.

These, my friends, are called nutritional facts. You can find them on just about every food item you buy. Now you might be asking yourself, "What purpose do nutritional facts serve?" Well, it's very simple. Nutritional facts tell you what exactly is inside of the food you are considering on consuming such as protein, vitamin A, calcium, and iron. But they also tell you about the baaaad things in them such as trans fat, calories, and sodium.

McDonalds introduced nutritional facts on the food packaging itself in 2005, but their brochures like the one I'm gracefully dawning in the above picture have been around for several years. And they've literally been right in front of your faces this whole time. But were you too busy raiding the condiments to notice? You sure were! Hence the reason they felt the need to push it even further in your face by putting it directly on the items themselves.

Now I could tell you what's inside of this brochure, but the thing practically folds out to the size of a U.S. road map. So I'll just give you a little taste by providing the lyrics of Rock & Roll McDonalds by Wesley Willis with the key lines in bold.
_________________________________________
McDonalds is the place to rock
It is a restaurant where they buy food to eat
It is a good place to listen to the music
People flock here to get down to the rock music

(chorus)
Rock and roll McDonalds,
Rock and roll McDonalds,
Rock and roll McDonalds,
Rock and roll McDonalds

McDonalds will make you fat
They serve Big Macs
They serve Quarter Pounders
They will put pounds on you

(chorus)

McDonalds hamburgers are the worst
They are worse than Burger King
A Big Mac has 26 grams of fat
A Quarter Pounder has 28 grams of fat

(chorus)

Rock over London
Rock on Chicago
Wheaties, the breakfast of champions
_________________________________________

Now these words of wisdom come from a diagnosed schizophrenic who claimed to hear demon voices, and they came no later than 1995.

Like shooting heroin, eating McDonald's is anything but good for you, and has been well known for a long time. So for anyone to blame any company for the negative affects that have befallen you or anyone else, you are a retard. And I'm not talking Forrest Gump retarded, I'm talking Master Blaster retarded

"But Mr. Pessimistic, what does this all mean?", you ask? Well it's simple my jello assed friends. This means McDonalds isn't to blame for your fat ass. Whoever thought that eating shit dipped in grease was part of a balanced diet needs to be castrated, have their vocal chords removed so they can never contaminate anyone with their bullshit theories, and put inside a mental home on a heavy dose of shock therapy.

But if you're looking for the person to blame for your thunder thighs, here's what you do:

1. Walk to a mirror.

2. Look at the bag of shit inside of it.

Whoever you see in this magical reflecting glass is the one to blame. Scientists discovered that 10 times out of 10, you're going to see someone that looks just like you.

McDonald's isn't some evil corporation, they're doing exactly what any other business that exists today does, providing a service in which people can choose to partake in or not. They don't hold guns to our heads and tell us to eat their food. If you waddle into a McDonalds and order two double quarter pounders with cheese and a Hugo soda, that's on you.

McDonalds, just like any other corporation, started out as a small business. Who made it so much money to expand worldwide? Well, we all did. Does expanding your business, like any non-retard would do if he found out his business was extremely popluar make it evil? No. I don't give two fucks how "cool" it is to hate McDonalds and call it the "Corporate Death Burger", I loved McDonalds long before I was cool, and I was fat long before I loved McDonalds.

Some assholes like to point out that McDonalds markets to kids. Wow, no shit?

I thought Ronald McDonald, the Hamburglar, and all those little McNugget cocksuckers were there for my amusement! I thought the whole urban "i'm lovin' it" shit they pulled was to suck in businessmen and yuppies alike. I feel so cheated now! Anyone who points out the obvious, as if they're the only one who holds this knowledge, falls into the retard category along with the finger pointers.

Your kids don't run your life. They eat what you tell them to eat, no matter how many commercials they make with a lanky ass clown. Kids these days don't even like clowns anyway. If you don't want your kids eating McDonalds, then don't take them there, it's not like they're going to walk there and buy the shit themselves. My kid wanted to eat at Taco Bell one day, and you know what I told him? No. (gasp!). It didn't traumatize him or make him feel unloved, what makes him feel traumatized and unloved is when I put a dress on him, lock him in the closet, and tell him he was an accident.

For those of you who have never had the displeasure of seeing "Supersize Me", it's basically about a guy who eats McDonald's three times a day for a month to, get this, prove that it's bad for you and makes you fat. Wow! That's some groundbreaking shit right there! What would we ever do without of the knowledge and cunning of Morgan Spurlock? I know one thing off the top of my head, we wouldn't be such gullible douchebags.

It was a waste of time and money on everyone's part, from the people who contributed to making it and anyone who watched it. If you need proof that McDonald's breeds fat asses, walk into one and look at the customers waiting in line, case closed. If you're the type of person that is so blind and oblivious to the obvious that you actually needed this movie to help you open your eyes to the fact, then you are retarded. And I'm not talking Rain Man retarded, I'm talking Master Blaster retarded, minus the mask and ability to rip off a man's balls whilst carrying a midget on your back. But why do people need a movie to provide proof to them? It's simple, because they're stupid and don't have the ability to think for themselves.

McDonalds does massive amounts of charity work, give hundreds of thousands of people jobs, give people who are poor as fuck something cheap and delicious to eat, and I think it's even safe to say help the economy. They also provide meat, the most important part. Now we've all seen how fat a lot of American kids are these days, but ask yourself this question: Would you rather our children look like plump and delicious Thanksgiving turkeys, or like the type of children who live in countries that don't have McDonalds, much like this kid here.

I bet this black version of Kate Moss would appreciate a Happy Meal right about now, maybe 12 of them. The moral here is, be grateful that we have the power and means to consume enough food to become fat, because little Dukka Dukka *click* *click* here still has to feed off of his mom's head lice.

I Met The King Today

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 04:03:05 GMT

No, Not Elvis You Retards

I met none other than Maddox, at a Borders book signing. He was escorted in the building by a Pirate, and was wearing a king's robe and a crown, hence the reason why he is called king. There we're about 100+ people there, needless to say they we're all a bunch of tools. The horde of pre-pubescent kids there giggling and carrying on was enough to disgust a leper. It literally looked like a pimple parade. He did an hour of talking about his book and other various things, and answered questions from the audience, which they had to have asked some of the most retarded questions possible, such as the annoying classic, "boxers or briefs"? The highlight of the reading was when a 6 year old kid was walking by and invaded Maddox's personal space, and Maddox retaliated for the child's crime by ripping off his face. Also, my wife went with me but didn't have a book for him to sign, so she had him sign a tampon, which he said was a first for him.

Here are a few pictures that my wife took

He actually didn't read anything out of the book, he just pointed out the picture of a unicorn with a boner.

Here is Maddox answering dumb questions from morons that wouldn't have to ask if they would have just read his website or book.

Here's me waiting in line in discontent as some freak with dumbo ears rants on about how he's going to ask Maddox to sign his balls.

Finally after the wait, I meet him, he gives me a comment of approval about the shirt I'm wearing as he signs my book. I didn't say much to him because I know if he's anything like me, idle chit chat is frowned upon. (By the way, my new name is Captain Perverto)

And then he allows a picture

Another one up for the asshole formerly known as Mr. Pessimistic

It's been a while

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 13:57:58 GMT

Read More

Before the last post I made about six months ago I had already lost interest in writing in this fuckin' thing. Photobucket banned half my pictures, and to be honest I really didn't know why I was associating myself in anything that has the word journal in it. So I'm pretty much done with the LJ, I might post something from time to time so I'll leave it open. But for those of you that give a shit, (which you should, because I clearly am God-like) I'll tell you about some of the other shit I've been doing.

I joined a scumrock band called Without Mf Order last November, we've done about 10 shows so far including CBGB in New York. For the record, I hate New York, I wish they would have blown up the entire city. We've also got a record deal. It's not some fancy ass sellout record deal like Story of the Year is on, just some small time shit that mass produces our album, puts them out in little record stores, and helps us get shows.

We have a few videos on YouTube for you to view and worship, because the songs being played and the actions in these videos are the opposite of pussy.

You can also find my personal page I've made for myself on myspace. I now go by the name Captain Perverto, I've even posted a few of my old articles on there, & I'll probably put more up. For those of you that need to pay your respects or claim worship, you can do so there.

I also hang out on Yahoo Voice Chat under the same name, CaptainPerverto, I spend most of my time on there posing as an 80 year old man trying to pick up underage girls, and even singing songs about making sweet love to them, it's good fun. So if you've got that you can add me there, and I'll have you come to the room where me & all my loser friends hang out in terrorizing kids, fags, & emos.

Other than that, I haven't been doing shit except jerking off to granny porn and slaughtering small children.

Well, it's been real, and it's been fun, but it ain't been real fun.

I Am The Coolest Guy On The Planet

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 03:50:09 GMT

Since the dawn of time, a man's wealth was determined not only by how much money he had, but by how much shit he had. Back in the day I guess a man's wealth was determined by how much crop or livestock he had or some bullshit, or even if he was some type of authority figure, which I guess isn't too bad.

But now in these sad times your status is determined by things that are even less important, not that having 50 sheep was a big fuckin deal, but that served more of a purpose than some fag with overpriced designer clothes. It's obvious now that the people you see walking down the street with pre-faded jeans, a Starbucks coffee in one hand, and an iPod in the other, are evidently considered "the shit". If you drive an expensive car, and your house is full of contemporary furniture elegantly surrounded by fucked up sculptures and crazy ass paintings that look like they could've been created by 6 year olds, then you're supposedly one of the "Gods of Status". You don't care how much your crappy couch that was made by overworked & underpaid morons in some 3rd world country costed you, some snobby Italian queer designed it, and that for some reason makes it worth the price you paid for it. You probably don't even sit in the fucking thing, you just show it to your stupid artsy fartsy friends and climax as they drool in envy at the sight of the very thing that none of you realize only took $50 to make. While you boast to them about the specs of the couch, (as if there's really any specs to an ass rest) you try your damnedest to speak with a sophisticated tone and pull some stupid accent when you attempt to blurt out the designer's name correctly.

Is any of the above familiar to any of you? Are you one of these people? Or do you one day dream to be? If so I bet you're sitting on your iMac feeling really proud of yourself aren't you, well go ahead and dance around your "one of a kind" Egyptian artifact that no sane person in the world gives a shit about, appreciate all your pointless shit while you can, because I'm about to fuck your world up.

I, Mr. Pessimistic, have something in my possession that you don't have "oh master of the cool". In fact, not even non-cool people have what I have. What I have is so rare that you probably couldn't find any more than 100 people who have it (besides distributors with leftover copies collecting dust).

I have

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ARMY OF DARKNESS ON MOTHERFUCKING LASERDISC BITCH!

I rule and you know it.

Fuck Your iPod

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 18:31:24 GMT

I can understand the switch from VHS to DVD, and cassete tapes to CD's, but your whole entertainment system to a little piece of plastic shit that could fit in the crack of your ass? Give me a fucking break.

I thought iPods that held 10,000 songs was retarded, for me anyway because I don't even know 10,000 songs let alone like 10,000 songs. But now iPod has stooped to a new low & given you the option of having videos on it. You can get most of your favorite T.V. shows on it & I think I even heard something about converting DVD movies on it.

Now I don't know too much about it, but I would expect them to at least make something to where you can hook it up to your T.V., (which I'll bet is going to be sold seperately) because watching Rocky III on a 1 inch screen doesn't seem very appealing to me.

What's next? iPod cell phones? Before you know it, your entire source of entertainment will fit right in the palm of your hand. And that's the problem. I'm not writing this to talk about how trendy iPods are or to bash that faggot Bono, but to tell you droids about how stupid iPods actually are.

I'm a strong believer in the term "bigger is better". And I have two reasons for this belief.

1. They're harder to lose or misplace.
2. They're harder to steal.

That's right, I actually like things that a thief would have to bust his ass for to steal from me. Let's say you broke into my house & decided to steal all of my good shit. I'm not saying you'll fail, but you'll sure enough have a hard time even if you brought another person with you. And you'd probably only have time to grab one or two things before my nosy ass neighbors call the cops on you. I hate my neighbors, but one thing I can count on is they'll sure as shit call the fuzz if they see some suspicious shit going on.

Here's all you'd have to deal with:

Computer: My computer probably isn't too hard to steal, but even then, it isn't a shitty iMac that consists of a whole computer crammed into a monitor. The tower is pretty big itself, bigger than most of the one's I see other people have. I didn't even succumb to a thin LCD monitor. I still rule the interweb with a 17" tube monitor. Although none of this is really hard to take, it would probably take you at least two trips to get all of it.

Stereo: This is something on the easier side as well, but it's no boombox. It's bulky & in three pieces. There is no handle for your convenience, and there's no option to attach the speakers to the side. So yet again, possibly a two trip deal.

DVD & VCR: I didn't go out & buy a DVD & VCR in one, those things are fucking retarded, you can't even record off one another. So it's two seperate units, not hard to take, but not as easy as just taking a combo.

Game Systems: The hardest part about that would probably be dealing with the spaghetti mess if you want the cords to everything.

T.V.: I don't know how popular big screen T.V.'s are anymore, but from what I've seen those and regular tube T.V.'s are being slowly replaced with flat panel T.V.'s. Whether they sit on a stand or hang on your wall, they're still small enough you'd have no trouble getting it out of someone's house & into your van or even compact car. Not my T.V. It's not a big screen, but it's not exactly your standard tube, and it sure as shit isn't light. It's a console T.V. For any of you who don't actually know what that is, it's a huge T.V. that stands about 2 1\2 ft. tall and almost 4 ft. wide that sits on your floor. It's a little older but the screen is still a nice size. The top itself serves as a table for your VCR, DVD, game systems, and you could even put some pictures of your toothless family members on it. So not is it only bulky & you'd have to take a bunch of shit off of it if you want to take it, the god damn thing weighs almost 200 pounds. If someone came in & robbed me, I bet my T.V. would be left behind.

Now I didn't write all this to brag to everyone about all my stuff, because it really isn't anything to brag about, it's just the shit that someone would probably want to take if they were to rob my house. So if you wanted to take all that you'd have to put in some good physical labor. It would probably take almost an hour to clear me out of all that stuff counting the games and movies. In reality that's a lot of stuff to take, you'd need a decent sized van to get it all. So now I've got all that over with I'm going to get to the point.

I'm guessing that in about 5 years iPods will have enough features to where you don't need a stereo, a cell phone, DVD, VCR, or even a computer. I'm sure they'll also attempt to take off with gaming. And people will buy into this, because everyone's all about being lazy & saving space these days. They'll buy these giant houses but don't want to use the space it comes with, pointless.

So in 5 years people's entire source of entertainment will be an iPod sitting on a little stand in their living room, with a paper thin T.V. hanging on the wall, some speakers, a keyboard & a game controller. The T.V. will serve as a monitor as well.

I bet most people would think of this as a great thing, "Wow, now I have more room to put worthless sculptures around my house". But is that much shit in one little thing really that great? I could walk in, pull your iPod out of it's dock, stick it in my pocket & leave. I'd be in & out in 5 seconds. If I wanted to take the rest of your shit it would take about 1 minute, I could just use your T.V. as a tray & put everything else on it & I'm gone. So there you go, just taking your iPod would mean I've already stolen your music, your computer, your games, your phone, your camera, and your movies in 5 seconds, the rest would just be unsult after injury. You know sooner or later iPods will have all that crap on it. Maybe not a fully functional computer if Apple still wants to sell their shitty Macs.

Besides being easy to steal, are these things even made well? How many times can you drop this thing & it will still work? In five years people will be talking about how their computer is down because they dropped it in the toilet. But that's what Apple wants, they make this little piece of shit that's expensive as fuck, is easy to steal, and probably even easier to break. So when you break your iPod do you say fuck it & go buy yourself a stereo? No, you go buy another iPod. Way to get fucked.

A lot of people think I just don't like anything new just because it's new. That's not true, I don't like anything new because it's all made like shit. Companies don't exactly build things to last anymore. They cut corners by using cheaper materials & hiring retarded Chinese children to make it for them. This doesn't go with just iPods but cars, T.V.'s, computers, camcorders, even homes. Of course they look nice, but that isn't saying much, you can take a haggard loose ass crack whore & make her look like a supermodel these days.

Don't believe me? Go dig out your old NES & throw the controller on the ground about 20 times, plug it in, & I bet it still works. Then try the same thing with your PS2 controller, after the first or second throw the thing will probably shatter, CHA CHING for Sony!

Does this make you think twice about getting an iPod if you already haven't? Do you really want to trust all your music, movies, & whatever else they come up with in a little chip surrounded by cheap plastic? You're an idiot if you do.

Check It Out

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 06:44:03 GMT

My New Do...

Need that extra "edge" at a party?

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 06:52:05 GMT

What you need:

1 or 2 bottles of Tequila
Beer, beer, beer
2 friends, for added effect
At least 2 of you wearing wife beater shirts (optional, but would make all the difference)
Baseball bat
Internet access, I guess it's safe to say you at least have that
Blatant disregard for homosexuals

First, you and your friends get all liquored up, you know to that point of feeling invincible. If you're a pussy and can't handle tequila, I guess your faggot Jagerbombs will work. You'll have to drink a lot more though, so be sure to steal the big bills out of your mom's purse.

Next, get on your local gay and lesbian dating service/chat room & start "mingling" with your fellow ass thumpers. Faggots are filthy animals & will fuck anything that's willing to spread their asscheeks for them, so it shouldn't be too difficult.

Also, try picking a big burly black guy, it just seems funnier. You'll have to be in "queer mode" for a bit, but gain some kind of trust with whoever you're talking to. After playing sissypants for a little bit, invite them over to your party. Homos never turn down a party. Just don't act too gay or you might blow it. If you don't want them coming to your house, do it at your friend's house.

Drink some more while waiting.

You should know when your new victi.....I mean friend arrives because they'll most likely be driving something that a man shouldn't be driving, like a Mini Cooper or a pink Beetle.

After he parks and gets out of his car, wait until he takes about 6 steps towards your house. Then you and your friends run outside with the baseball bat while screaming, "There he is, get that faggot!!" and start chasing after him. I'll tell you, when you do this, queers grow fuckin' wings. This is why it's better to pick a big black guy, because nothing is funnier than some burly ass Tiny Lister looking mother fucker sprinting back to his car & peeling off. If they don't run, then I guess it's hate crime time, but I guarantee you they will.

What Do You Do...

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 06:26:33 GMT

Post something competely pointless.

Here we have a screenshot of an MSN conversation with my mother. No worries bitches, it short and sweet.

I'm going by the name Puberty Boy on here, obviously.

Keep Going

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A Little More

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Almost There Fucker

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Bump The Fetus

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 07:32:21 GMT

I have nothing else to write about so I'm going to take the opportunity to whore my music out to all of you. But I'm not going to just post a link, that would be boring. I'm going to tell you all a story about me and how the music I do came about.

If you don't feel like reading all this just skip to the bottom link you lazy bitches

Way back when I turned 13 I got my first guitar. I originally wanted drums but my mom wouldn't go for it, she told me that she couldn't afford it. As you can tell we're not Jewish, otherwise I'd have some drums. So my second choice was a guitar, obviously. After all, guitarists get more pussy than drummers, right? The good thing about it was I got to go up and pick the guitar I wanted, most kids get stuck with one of those shitty cheap ones with a speaker built in to it. But fuck all that, here's the guitar I chose.

An Electra Westone which back then, was shiny, didn't have any paint chips, & had all it's knobs. Yes, it was the first step to my Heavy Metal stardom. And by Heavy Metal I mean real Metal, not that "my life is so complicated and no one understands me" horse shit they play on the radio. I'm talking about Megadeth, Exodus, Pantera, blah blah.

I thought this guitar would get me all the bitches. The only thing I didn't think about, was that I actually needed to know how to play it. That was the problem, I took lessons and all that bullshit, but could never get past a certain point. That point being never having the ability to play anything but power chords. Maybe it's because I didn't practice enough, or maybe it's because I'm left handed & trying to play it right handed. Either way, my friend got one around the same time & he's your regular Randy Rhodes now. (if you don't know who that is, eat shit) So after realizing that I wasn't going to get any better, I gave up, only to pick it up every now & then to play the one song I wrote just so I won't forget it.

I don't feel like less of a man because I can't wail on a guitar, I'm actually pretty glad because the kind of music I wanted to play doesn't seem to sit well with a regular audience these days. If I had gotten really good I'd probably be sitting in a storage space with a bunch of burnouts making music no one seems to want to hear anymore. Like I said, I could play power chords. If I'd have stuck with that I'd probably be famous, because people love shitty musicians with no talent. Remember P.O.T. USA? Their guitarist only had three strings on his guitar & their stupid ass song "Peaches" was #1 for weeks.

Well, I gave up the guitar as I mentioned earlier, so what did I do next? Pretty much nothing for the next 4 years, I played with my dick a lot, but that was about it. I got pretty good at that.

Then one day sitting in the cafeteria at school, my friends and I were ragging on rap music. One of our friends got a girlfriend who was basically a wigger, and the she-bitch turned our once fellow headbanging comrade into a do-rag wearing, Snoop Dogg loving bitch. So of course being young bastards who couldn't understand the concept of change, constantly hounded our friend and his new found love for rap.. I don't exactly remember what all was said, except when I stated the fact that rap was just "no-talent mother fuckers spitting in a microphone" and that "anyone could do it". Then the she-bitch responded with something like, "I'd like to see you try it if you think it's so easy.....dawg." I don't think she actually said "dawg", I just put that there for the effect. I told her fine, and made a bet with her that If I wrote a rap song by the end of the week, she'd have to do something that I can't remember anymore, the whore bag didn't hold her end of the bargain anyway.

I wasn't about to let this cunt get the best of me, but did I immediately go home and start writing? Probably not, I most likely jerked off, as I always did, but I did write a song. I didn't have access to good recording equipment so my mother's shitty Compaq with a mic built in the monitor had to do. I got on the interweb and looked up some rap midis. I browsed through a few of them and found "G Thang" by Snoop Dogg. I figured this was appropriate and decided to make my song with that.

To make this part of the story short, I wrote my own lyrics in about less than one hour, and here they are copied from the very file I wrote them on 8 years ago. I'd let you hear the song but it sucks too bad.

Gonna fuck you granny with your own walking stick
Beat you down make you suck my dick
You ain't nothin but an old, crusty ass hoe
But you like my cum you're always beggin fo mo
You got an old, wrinkled ass cunt
Scabby & dry that's what I want
I'll piss in your hair, and shit on your face
Strangle your ass with your own shoelace
Then slap you in the mouth and fuck you in the ass
Kick you to the curb & smoke a bowl of grass
Gettin down with the D to the O to the G
Gonna be eatin your old smelly nasty pussy YO

No one ever said it had to be good, just done, and I did it. I recorded the song and then held a tape recorder up to the speakers to show She-bitch. (this was back when CD Burners were well over $200, so I didn't have one) She thought it sucked, naturally. But my friends saw it a different way, they liked it. They liked it so much they wanted their own copies. Then it hit me, this was the first time I've done any type of music and someone actually liked it. The problem was I hated rap, and I really couldn't see myself doing it. Then my friend mentioned to me that I should write more, except not to rap about what everyone else raps about, but instead to rap about things I did like. Yes, I will make rap music for people who don't like rap music. So every night I'd gather more midis and write more shit, mainly consisting of raping old women & retards, eating period blood, and killing babies. Here's a list of some song titles:

Give It To Me Granny
Child Heckler
KFC (Krispy Fried Children)
I Want Maggot Pussy
I Want Your Blood
She's My Retard Bitch
We Gotz Pickles
Your Daughter Died A Virgin
Abort That Baby

I decided to call myself Bloody Fetus. My music stayed pretty much on the shitty side until I got my own computer with a decent sound card, and then started using royalty free beats. And now recently being able to make my own beats. Like the guitar, my rapping style only evolved to a certain point, but at a point that I'm pretty happy with. I went from being comedic & gross to being disturbing, offensive, and downright disgusting. I've even made a woman cry once. And now to be making a public debut sometime in the near future. I'll tell you right now, I'm no wigger. The love for metal is still with me. I don't wear Timberlands & talk like I was raised in the ghetto. I just happen to express myself through the majesty of rapping. And the best part about it is you can actually understand what the fuck I'm saying. Hear for yourself. MySpace only allows 4 songs at a time so I have my favorite ones up, I'm not sure if they're actually my best ones.

The Music That Hurts Your Feelings

Timmy's Wish

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 03:54:09 GMT

I always thought short films were made by failed Broadway tryouts who have an insatiable desire to rape people's eyes at film festivals with their artsy fartsy fag flicks. Well, I was wrong, as I have found the grandaddy of all short films, and now you get to see it bitches.

Click the God Damn Link
*You have to watch a stupid 30 second commercial at first, no big deal, it'll be worth it.*

I Got The Fuzz On Me

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 05:39:53 GMT

You should probably read this, because if you ever get questioned by the cops, this could save your ass.....literally.

I've been working at a retirement home for about a month now, decent pay, good hours. The only downside is when I'm stuck having a conversation with some old bitch that asks me the same questions over and over, because she forgot that she asked me the same question not even a minute ago. I don't have a manager watching my every move so I can get in some heavy smoking action while I'm there. All in all it's a job that I don't mind going to, because any task there takes little to no effort to complete and I get tons o' cash flow for hookers and crack.

But the only thing I failed to remember in the past month is that any time I get an ounce of luck, the shit always backfires on me twice as bad.

So here's the story, one of the residents claim that they're missing money out of their apartment. And this happens to be on the floor I was working on, and it happens to be a day that I was covering for someone else. Pretty fucking typical luck for me. I just figure it was one of the foreign nurses, because blaming shit on foreigners is always fun, they can't defend themselves. You know why? Because they don't know any fucking English! Bitches.

So I got a call from my boss asking me about the incident and if I knew anything. I of course said no because I don't know shit. He said ok and told me that the police are doing an investigation, and since I'm one of the suspects, (the prime suspect at that) that they'll most likely be giving me a call. No shit, they called me not even an hour later and asked me to come in and have a talk with them. I figured I had nothing to worry about and said ok, I'll come by tomorrow morning.

Well I went up to the station this morning to get this circus show over with, the detective greets me and leads me into a little room with air conditioning. I thought they were gonna have room with a big table, a two way mirror, and a heat lamp in my face like in the movies. I didn't know because any other time I've been in a police station I either went straight to a holding cell or was bailing someone out.

So the detective starts asking me the usual routine questions about the incident, I assure him I know nothing other than what I've been told by the boss and other employees. Then he pulls some guilt trip shit and tells me that they have worse cases (2 rapes & a major robbery) to worry about other than this misdemeanor, and if I know anything or did it & come clean now I can just leave that day & only have to pay the money back. "But the further we have to go in this case the worse it's going to be, because we're really just wasting our time on this." he said. They were also making it sound as if admitting to it was the only way I could leave the station. Horse shit.

Well that seems like a good deal doesn't it. If I just lie & say I did it then I just get off with a bill, and they won't harass me anymore. I don't think so. They got my uncle the same way 10 years ago after he fucked some underage girl. Told him the same shit, he admitted it, and still sits in a jail cell to this day. His case was a lot worse than mine obviously, but it's still the same weasel bullshit that these cops try to pull just to close a case. They don't give a shit about some old broad missing money, but they have to keep working on the case until there are either no other leads or they catch someone.

A lot of people do that too, they'll admit to something they didn't do just so they don't have to be in an interrogation room anymore. Well sitting in a room with two cops for a few hours is a lot easier than sitting in a cell for a few weeks with 50 black guys that wanna get back at whitey. If you didn't do it, don't admit it, because they can't prove shit.

Back to the story: After he said that load of shit to me. I flat out told him, "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to keep wasting your time because I'm not admitting to something I didn't do." "We don't want you to if you didn't," he said, "but if you did you should come clean now." "I can't help you man." I replied. Then he started giving me some sorry ass shit about how times are rough for people, and he understands that people make bad choices, but I can redeem myself by coming clean. I still wouldn't budge. This was probably really pissing them off because it was clear that they thought I was the one, but didn't want to make it sound like they were directly accusing me.

After a few more minutes of repetitive bullshit I made the worst mistake ever, I told him to give me a lie detector test. Again, I figured that I would pass with flying colors because I'm innocent. Well it didn't exactly work out the way I expected.

They whipped out a laptop and a microphone, which are used to detect stress in your voice to see if you're lying. That kind of caught me off guard because I thought they were going to use the ones that go by your heart rate. I don't really like talking to people, and this test pretty much proved it, but the cops didn't see it that way. They asked me 9 questions, 5 questions were simple ones like "Is today Friday?" and "Is your name such and such?" Then they asked me two questions that they wanted me to lie about, which were "Have you ever driven above the posted speed limit?" And "Is the wall in here red?" So I was supposed to say no to the speeding question, and yes to the wall question, because the wall was not red. These were questions to test the accuracy of the lie detector. The other two questions pertained directly to the case. And those questions were, "Do you know anything about the missing money?" and "Did you take the money?". Well, I failed those two questions. The problem I saw with this was when they had me lie about the red wall, that came up on the computer as if I was telling the truth. And the other problem I see is they didn't ask me about the money missing from the room at the place I work at, but just "the money". I'm thinking maybe I failed those questions because I've stolen money before in the past? Possibility. They told me themselves that the machine is very sensitive and it would sense any kind of guilt. So I think that was another way of them trying to fuck with me.

Well fuck, my plan was foiled. At least that shit doesn't hold up in court. I really only agreed to take it because I knew that would get them off my ass some, but now they're really going to hound me now, until they find out that the finger prints they picked up aren't mine.

To make an even longer story short, they went on with the same crap and I still wouldn't budge. Then, they let me go. Why? Because they don't have any hard evidence on me, because lie detector tests don't mean a damn thing, they just act like they do. Many men lose their freedom because of an interrogators reverse psychology, and because they just can't take the harassment.

Although I knew I was pretty much in the clear other than being bothered by these guys later on down the road, I knew that my job was most definitely at stake. Because even though they can't use the test results in court, they can send them to your work. So I decided to go to work and tell them about it before they got a shitty fax with bad test results. I talked to them about the whole ordeal, and they said that they admired my coming to them and being honest about it all. Whoopee....that doesn't really do shit for me. Now I can't go back to work there until this case is closed and I'm proven not to be the thief. I'm not worried about getting busted over this, because what they have now is all they will ever have, and I'm still a free man. But now I've lost a good paying job.

I got another job already at some Jewish community center as a janitor, even started today. It sucks, I have to clean the locker rooms, and everyone in there seems to like to walk around naked. And who wants to see a bunch of Jews with their tiny dicks flopping around? I have the shittiest luck ever.

I Wrote A Poem

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 17:49:20 GMT

I wrote a little poem about the clit, only because it came to mind. Otherwise, poems are for pussies and faggots and should never be written unless you plan on making it into a song.

I've seen quite a few clits in my time,
And I'd say that most we're mighty fine,
Some big, some small, some short, some tall.
Some that look like ground up meat,
And they're the kind that can't be beat,
Some stick out a bit and that's alright,
Because you don't have to search throughout the night,
To find that magic love button,
They're all you need to make her cum,
Some even look like turtle heads,
That pop out when her lips are spread,
Some are soft and some are rough,
But they're all clits I love to touch,
But then there's the kind that just makes me gag,
And if it didn't I would be a fag,
I'd die before I'd ever lick,
The one's that look like shriveled dicks.

Here's the story. I have a pretty fucked up fixation with Chyna. I remember when she first came to the WWF/WWE and she wasn't quite the looker, not that she is now, but I've always had an odd attraction to her. Back when I was short, chubby, and a virgin Chyna gave me hope. Because I actually believed if no one else in the world would fuck me, she would. I mean after all, she went out with this guy.

So he's not short or chubby, and has always sported a beard which I find admirable, the guy is still a loser.

After I grew older, and Chyna got more plastic surgery to make herself look more like a woman, my obsession wasn't aimed towards my desperate needs anymore, but the desire to play fistifucks (fighting & fucking) with her was still strong. My friends said I was a sick bastard, but they were the same guys who were dating 12 year olds when they were 19. But maybe they were right.

Chyna and Mr. Pig Fucker in the picture above made a sex tape not too long ago, obviously trying to gain some Paris Hilton credibility. They called it "One Night In Chyna". I just had to see it. I've been downloading it off of Shareaza for the past couple of weeks and it finally finished just a few days ago. I was so excited to see it I nearly shit myself. I finally thought that this would be something that was well worth the wait. People don't call me Mr. Pessimistic for nothing, I should have thought harder about it. It wasn't worth a shit. Sean Waltman (X-Pac) fucks like a sissy. No surprise because he's clearly the bitch in this relationship. Chyna could deepthroat, but she didn't do enough of it. She spent more time rubbing his cock over her face which was riddled with make-up than actually sucking on it. And that made it worse, because I thought the less I saw of his dick the better, but no we just couldn't have that now could we?

One or the other was holding the camera almost the entire time which made everything look like it was being filmed during an earthquake, and X-Pac couldn't refrain from saying something completely stupid every five seconds. I even heard the words, "You are so fucking gorgeous." What the fuck is that? I think I've only called one person gorgeous in my life, and that was my mom when she was working as a barmaid in a biker bar. And I probably only said it because I thought she'd buy me a new NES game with her tip money. Although my mom was pretty, gorgeous is just one of those words that shouldn't be used in any given situation.

But anyway, this video was a disaster. Though I would say that the picture quality was better than Paris Hilton's trainwreck, it still left a bad taste in my mouth, especially near the end.

Near the end you'll see X-Pac with his face buried in Chyna's snatch, munching on her cunt like a fat kid in a pie eating contest. Boring. Then he gets up, his face dripping with pussy juice. "Alright!" I think to myself, "Here's the money maker, the closeup fucking action." And just as he's sticking his dick inside of her what do I see? A thin, flaccid, shriveled penis.

I thought I could handle it all, I thought my desensitizing training was over, but this has proven me wrong. I feel like the guy from Sling Blade

Well, I didn't spend any money on it, I felt like someone should pay me 25 dollars for watching it.

The moral of the story is, be careful about who you have a crush on, they could have a dick, or no dick, whatever your preference may be. You don't know how gut wrenching it is to find out that the woman you've been longing to bone over the past 8 years is actually a hermaphrodite. I do, and now I have to go wash the gay off of me.

Mr. Pessimistic's 10 Commandments

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 16:19:05 GMT

I'm quite certain that when most of you read through my articles, you've most likely wondered, "Gee, I really wish I could be more like Mr. Pessimistic." Well now you can, because I'm going to tell you how to be just like me in what I like to call "The Ten Commandments of Mr. Pessimistic", because God's shit just doesn't cut it. Remember, if you follow these simple rules to the tee, you can find eternal salvation with me. But, if you break any of these rules, it's Fag-Town for you fuck face.

Thou Shalt Not Drink The Man-Made Fluids of the Homosexual Demon Fairy

If you drink or have ever consumed anything with the words Mocha, Latte, Frappuccino, or let's just say anything that you see on the menu of Starbucks or a coffee house for fat lesbians, you have been tainted by the fag fairy, and shall never be allowed to enter paradise with me. You shall be cast down to the Pit of Coffee Shit, where you will be forced to spend eternity drinking my own specially brewed Crappuccino, made fresh from an AIDS infested chimpanzee's rectum. None of the chairs have cushioning, and the internet doesn't work...horrifying.

Thou Shalt Never Submit In An Argument

This is very simple. If you get yourself into a debate of any kind over your personal opinion, you can never back down from it. It doesn't matter how many are against you or how wrong you actually are, you are "always right" and you will never alter that said opinion under any circumstances. Your opinion doesn't mean shit if you can't voice it properly, so you must always stick with it and never give in to anyone. You can lie, but it wouldn't be advisable as your lies will have to be the ones you have to stick with for the rest of your life. The battle will never be won until the other person is either crying or storms off in a fit of rage. Never contradict your own opinion, because any teenager who thinks they know everything (every teenager) will catch you and hand your own ass to you. And losing an argument with a teenage kid is one of the worst things that can happen to you. But there's a way around it, see next commandment.

When All Else Fails, Use Violence

Not everyone has superb manipulation skills like me, so if you ever run into someone whose skin you just can't crawl under, you'll have to make up for it by beating the shit out of them. But if you have to resort to violence, you have to win. If you find yourself in a situation with a wise ass that happens to know Judo, shoot him. If you can't win one way, you must win another. This applies to many other things as well. Say you can't get someone to do what you want them to do, kick their ass until they comply.

Thou Shalt Never Reveal Thy "Sensitive Side"

As humans we are all sensitive to something, but that doesn't mean we need to show it. Showing a weakness opens soft spots that can be used against you in the future by anyone at any given time. So it is essential that you never show a soft side. You must remain a heartless emotionless pig. By doing this, no one will ever have shit on you. Everyone hates gossip right? Well don't tell your stupid ass friends that your uncle molested you and you'll be alright.

Thou Shalt Not Roleplay

Do you like to meet up with your other dorky friends on weekend nights and escape harsh reality with a good game of D&D? Does nothing else compare to the sight of your pathetic collection of "whatthefuckever" sided dice? Do you like to dress up like a complete ass & talk with an English accent? If so, your days are numbered bitch. Let's face the facts, you'd obviously be willing to trade the comfort of your parents' home for a 15th century lifestyle. A lifestyle which consisted of plagues, poverty, and brutal executions over stupid superstitions. And not to mention the low life expectancy, sounds like a dream. And this dream of yours will become a reality once I unleash a flaming fireball from my ass & smitten you with my crimson blade or some shit like that. And the last pair of dice you see will be the ones dangling from the rear view mirror of my '96 Windstar before I run your stupid ass over. Once you feel my fury, you'll spend the rest of your afterlife being burnt at the stake & getting your ass kicked by goblins & antwerps, all while feeling the effects of the Bubonic Plague. No magical boots of escaping or cloaks of invisibility will save your ass either, I don't care if you're a 23rd level wizard or that you have a strength of 20, you're fucked. Of course if you don't roleplay you have nothing to worry about. But if you do, move out of your mother's basement and go get a job you loser.

Thou Shalt Not Eat Only Vegetables

Eating meat, preferably raw, is one of the many keys to being like me. Sinking your carnivorous teeth into the flesh of a once cute and cuddly animal is not only damn delicious, it's also pleases the gods, and pisses off hippies, you win twice. If you don't eat meat then you shall never enter my paradise, but instead cast below into the land of veal where you will be forced to eat veal of course. On top of that, you'll be taken to the Chamber of Animal Cruelty and have to witness the demon fairies branding horses and decapitating puppies. You should look at it like this, they've already killed the animal, why not eat it? If you don't, then the meat will go bad and the "helpless" animal died for no reason. People are animals, animals kill other animals and eat them. It's nature bitches. If we weren't meant to eat meat we wouldn't have teeth that would allow us to. Vegetarians are just fucked in the head, you know why? Because they don't get enough meat in their diet. It scrambles their brains. But if you're a vegetarian you wouldn't know because you're too fucked up to realize it.

As some comedian whose name I can't remember once said, "Vegetables are living things too, they're just easier to catch."

Thou Shalt Not Cry

Crying is for sissy emo kids. Are you a sissy emo kid? You're reading the wrong page if you are. This is a no-brainer, don't cry asshole. If you do, I'll give you something to cry about after you're dead. You'll spend your afterlife watching me rape your entire family with a big black penis. And if that isn't enough, you'll be forced to listen to Ace of Base and The Wiggles while I'm doing it. Snap. Just don't cry alright? You have no reason to, unless your penis or clit falls off, then that's ok.

Thou Shalt Beat Children

Kids are little bastard demons. Beating them is one of the best things you can do to please me, your savior. Some of you would probably rather knock the shit out of a kid when their parents aren't around, which is fine. But you get bonuses if they are, and then you kick their ass. You can find these little shit heads at any playground or school, and you should always leave permanent damage for them to remember for the rest of their lives.

If you've broken any of the other commandments, you can redeem yourself by doing this. You'll still have to suffer some minor consequences, but in the end you will be rewarded This is like saying your Hail Marys, except a lot more fun. So get to it, and show me pictures. Here's an example:

I'm done, I know there's only 8 but I don't feel like doing this anymore. Plus I'm God so I can do whatever I want.

Spreading the Emo

Thu, 26 May 2005 05:52:38 GMT

I made somewhat of a spinoff on myspace of my emo post. It's nowhere near as good as the post I made here, but I'm still working on it. I'll probably just steal the most pathetic blogs I find here and post them as my own on there, and spice them up to make them extra faggoty. If you haven't seen my "Living in an Emo Kid's Shoes" post, click the title you bitch, it's worth it. Then, when you're done with that, come see my Emo page on myspace. And possibly tell me if I'm missing anything. Like I said, it really isn't shit compared to the original, so don't be surprised if most of it isn't funny. They all can't be winners.

My Friend Dawn *Fixed

Mon, 23 May 2005 14:35:13 GMT

Anyone from dead_babies has already seen this. But for those of you who haven't, Meet Dawn.
I want to fuck her.

We're Gonna Play A Game

Wed, 18 May 2005 05:52:58 GMT

This game is called "Finish Mr. Pessimistic's Song"

Let me elaborate real quick. I'm in a band. And the aim for our entire band is to offend, shock, and gross people out. I've written about 4 songs so far but I'm stuck on one particular song. This normally wouldn't be a problem but I can't concentrate on moving on to my other planned songs.

So what I'm going to do here is post the lyrics I have so far, and I want you fuckers to fill in the blanks. After reading the lyrics, post some lyrics that you think could go next. It can be one line, two lines, or even the rest of the song for all I care. If you see replies from anyone try to continue on from where they left off, but you don't have to. There's some inbetween work that needs to be done. And it of course needs to stay on topic. If anyone does submit lines to me, I'm not going to tell you whether or not I'll use them, I'll post the song once it's done & you can find out that way.

You know what you win in this game? Nothing, I win. I get to sit back & catch up on my masturbation time while you do all the work for me. But if I do end up using some of your lines I'll be sure to put your name in the "special thanks" thing if we ever print an album cover. So that's kind of like winning something. And how cool would it be to be able to say, "I helped co-write one of Mr. Pessimistic's songs."? If I weren't me I'd think it was.
Here's the lyrics:

Shitfaced piss drunk horny as a pig
Lookin for a fat whore to suck my dick
Plenty of skinny girls can be pretty sleazy
But fat bitches are always easy

Met one at a bar with double E tits
Fat overlapping her pants and hairy armpits
The bitch looked like a fuckin cow
With a thin moustache & a unibrow

Yea this bitch was just my type
Bought her a few drinks to get her pussy ripe
She was a pretty desperate bitch I surely would reckon
Invited her home didn't take but a second

Chorus:
____________________(Something with the words "Fat Broads" in it)
____________________
____________________
____________________

We got to my place
Dimmed the lights
Ordered Chinese
Set the mood just right

___________________ (Make similar to above verse)
___________________
___________________
___________________

I fucked her missionary
I fucked her from the rear
I fucked her so hard gravy shot out her ears
___________________
___________________

She got on all fours started suckin my cock
She was muchin on my dick like a greasy pork chop
She engulfed my balls and licked my choad
And on her fat rolls I blew my load

_____________________________(continue on here with anything you can think of)

That's it, shouldn't be hard

Not exactly the post I was planning on coming back with

Thu, 12 May 2005 05:36:11 GMT

Remember this shit in school?

Maybe I Should Have Paid My Bill

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 16:10:31 GMT

Well, after not paying my cable bill for 3 months, I guess it was bound to happen. I've lost my ISP. I'm pretty limited to what I can type here in the library I'm sure, they watch you like nazis here. Once I get another ISP I'll be sure to give you retards something a little extra "special".

Piss off until then

Trim Them Pubes

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 14:04:25 GMT

(Same thing I posted in TMI)

I'm not really the type of guy that likes to remove my body hair, but I
was having a moment where I needed some sort of self amusement, I was
already in the bathroom naked after showering & shitting, (they
were pussy turds, so I didn't take pictures) and the first thing to pop
in my head was to take my Wahl Trimmer and downsize my pubes. I had
some pretty serious jungle bush going on, my crotch looked like
someone's you'd see in a 70's porn flick, so I'm not really feeling
unmanly about the whole situation. Plus it shows more of your dick. I
can't speak for all women, but I'm sure most of them would prefer the
trimmed look opposed to what looks like a turtle head poking out of a
shrub. Not that I get any women anyway.

I didn't shave it all off, just about half of it. These trimmers aren't
exactly made for this type of job, I kept poking myself in the dick
with the extension, but I got it pretty nice & even. But what good
is a story without pictures? No I didn't take pictures of my dick, just
the leftover pubes, even had some fun with them. I should submit them
to an art gallery.

Ban Public Smoking?

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 03:35:04 GMT

This is long as fuck, probably not pieced together effectively, and I still don't think it gets my point across. I'm too pissed off right now to word this out correctly.

First, they ban the ads. Second, they add on ridiculous unecessary taxes. Now they want to ban smoking in all public places? You've got to be fucking kidding me. They've already enforced this shit in quite a few areas, and are now trying to enforce it throughout the entire nation. Hell, the entire world. All I can do is wonder why. Every non-smoker in the country right now is probably having a beastly climax over this stupid idea. And I'll tell you why it's a stupid idea.

It kills businesses, that simple. Do you think people want to sit in a bar that they can't smoke in? No, they don't, and they won't. I'm not sure how I can explain this to people who don't smoke, but it would be like having a girlfriend that won't let you fuck her. Maybe that's not a great example, but who cares. While every anti-smoking pussy is jumping for joy because they will soon be able drown their sorrows & get liver disease without being burdened by someone's "dreadful" cigarette smoke. How about restaurants? You think people want to eat at a restaurant they can't smoke in? Most restaurants that allow smoking have smoking sections, but that just isn't good enough now is it, they want to eliminate it completely. There's already a few restaurants that no longer allow smoking and is now paying the price. Here's a story about a particular restaurant.

There's an old diner that's been around since the early 50's called Chuck-A-Burger. This diner is a piece of history, a landmark so to speak. While the entire area was mainly crop fields, this place was standing. I remember going to the car shows and other various events they had with my dad when I was a kid. Plus, they had good food. An even bigger plus, the whole restaurant was all smoking. You figure, being a diner built in the 50's and keeping the same format, that smoking was a major part of it. Yes, back in the 50's smoking was considered ultra cool. I really don't want to get into all the sentimental bullshit about this place, but I'll just tell you that it was an important part of my life now that I think about it, many memories came from this little diner. It lives in my heart, and charred lungs.

The town it's in decided that they wanted to ban smoking in all bars and restaurants. What happened to this place now? It's on the brink of extinction. Last time I went there, (and it's the last time I ever would go there) I learned about their non-smoking policy. The waitress told me that ever since this happened, that their business has dropped by at least half. I'm sure that this place won't last much longer, and I hope that they decide to move the business elsewhere, but it wouldn't be the same. Needless to say, Chuck-A-Burger will be going under.

Now I know this sounds crazy to some people, but it's true. Most smokers won't go to a place they can't smoke in, especially if it's a place they used to be able to before.

Waffle House has done something similar, they used to allow smoking in the entire restaurant, now only half of it is smoking. I'm sure Waffle House won't be going under any time soon, as it is a corporate owned business, but their business has decreased, and the waitresses are paying dearly for it. I know, I used to be a server at Waffle House, and my best tips came from smokers. I don't know exactly why, but that's the way it was. Maybe they were happy that they could come to a place where they weren't looked down upon as if they were heartless cancer giving bastards, you think?

Business has died down in these two places, I'd bet both of my nuts that it has or will happen in any other place in the country, or world. I'm sure that once this ban goes underway everywhere else, more businesses will lose out, and a lot of the smaller ones will eventually fold, I hope it's worth it to you pussies.

This is quoted from www.lungsusa.org:
"Secondhand smoke causes approximately 3000 lung cancer deaths and 35000 heart
disease deaths in adult nonsmokers in the United States each year"

After this law becomes nationwide, I hope twice as many people die from hypothermia or heat stroke every year because they're forced to FUCKING SMOKE OUTSIDE! That would put a real hamper on these cock jockeys wouldn't it.

I've really only scratched the surface here.

Every second of the day, our freedom becomes less and less as the government passes shit laws that limit us to do as we see fit.

I honestly can understand why non-smokers want to be able to go somehwere without being overwhelmed by cigarette smoke. But think about it for ten god damn seconds. You're not accomplishing anything but making more regulations on shit that people should have the right to do. How long will it be before they ban salt because it gives you high blood pressure? What about sugar? Sugar is addicting, so therefore sugar is a drug. How long before they ban that? What about guns? I'm sure some of you would love that. But remember, banning guns won't keep bad guys from owning them, only you. Think about a world where every criminal has a gun and knows no law abiding citizen does. You'd all be fucked, unless you live in Canada.

Or what if they banned smoking altogether? That would sure make the Mafia happy, another prohibition is just what we need. Why don't we just ban everything that offends people? We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Well, Christians offend me, can we ban them? As much as I think religion is mindless bullshit, I would never ban it, even if I had the absolute power to do so.

There's nothing in this world that doesn't offend or inconvenience someone, what can you do about it, ban everything? We are living in a world where people's rights are being set aside to avoid hurting someone else's feelings. Fuck that.

I'm pretty pissed about this whole smoking deal, but the real focus is on freedom. Like I said, our freedom is dropping faster than Jerry's Kids. Who know's how long it will be before they place a ban on something you enjoy doing. I think the younger generations can understand where I'm coming from, because old people just don't fucking get it. The only problem is, young people have voices that are rarely ever heard, and half the time their voices are heard it's in stupid little blogs like this that nobody gives a shit about.

If it weren't for cigarettes, I would be in one of two places right now. Dead or in jail. I strongly believe this, because if I didn't have cigarettes tp calm me whenever my ex-girlfriend pissed me off, I would have murdered the bitch.

I'd think if non-smokers really didn't want to smell my smoke, they'd get the fuck away from it. But no, just like lazy ass parents who'd rather bitch about what is shown on T.V. rather than press a few buttons to set up their built in V-Chip, they have to ignore any responsibility. I've heard it all, you've heard it all, and if you don't smoke, you've probably said it all.

I've even had to deal with the bullshit, "I have a right not to smell your smoke" line. Well asshole, your fucking freedom is 10 feet away, go to it. They seem to mistake rights here for some reason, acting out on a right is something you do yourself, not something you keep other people from doing, at least that's the way I see it.

It's funny how people come right up to me while I'm smoking and start coughing, as if I really give a shit. Great job asshole, do you go up to cripples and dance too?

I've dragged this shit out too much already and if any of you have made it this far, I admire your patience.

Here's an article I've found that tells how smoking bans have affected a few businesses in New York.

New York Ban 'Has Cost 2,600 Jobs'

November 10, 2004
By Chris Moncrieff, PA

New York bar owners have denied the city’s smoking ban has been an unqualified success.

Tom McCabe, former health minister in the Scottish Parliament and now finance minister, has been told that nothing could be further from the truth.

In a letter to Mr McCabe, made public today, the Empire State and Tavern Association, the New York Nightlife Association and the United Restaurant and Tavern Owners said the latest available statistics are damning in terms of the economic effect the ban has had on the city’s hospitality industry.

New York’s bars and taverns and their suppliers have lost 2,600 jobs, 50 million dollars in wages and 70 million dollars in production, it was claimed.
“For months, bars across New York have felt the pain of a total smoking ban, only to be accused by the anti-smoking supporters of misrepresenting the impact,” the letter said.

They claim that another important knock-on effect has been the loss of tips.

“Many bartenders are losing upwards of 50% of their nightly tips and as they are only paid 3.35 dollars per hour, this is having a major impact on their salary.”

The letter said that disgruntled city residents are unhappy about the noise caused by smokers, who are forced to congregate on the street outside bars.

“In some cases this has even led to violent behaviour towards smokers in the street.”

The letter continued: “As if this isn’t enough to contend with, there is the major issue of how the smoking ban is enforced.

“The burden of imposing the ban is on the bar owner, not the customer who is actually breaking the law. If customers were fined, as legally they are supposed to be, we really would have seen a riot here.

“The real solution is to put smokers back inside the bars where they belong.”

Chronic Masturbation

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 18:58:14 GMT

*PICTURE UPDATE*
I just found this on the White House Web Page
"President Bush is proud to introduce an ambitious new phase in the fight to preserve all that is decent in America. Conceived and championed by the revered Republican think tank Americans for Purity, "Operation Infinite Purity" is dedicated to the complete eradication of masturbation from American soil by the year 2008."

That's so ridiculous I can only laugh. Back to where I was.

Some people tend to believe that once you find a partner or get married that masturbation is no longer needed. Bullshit, at least in my case. I jack off constantly, whenever given the chance. As a matter of fact, I just jerked it after writing the previous sentence.

Jacking off has been a part of my life ever since I was 12. At first, like most kids, I thought I was doing something wrong. I felt like a dirty bastard, but did that stop me? Not by a long shot. I found the time to allow myself two jerking sessions a day, one in the morning, one at night. My mom would go to work at 6 a.m. every day, and my dad still had a good 3 hours left of work. My brother was in high school so he'd be out of the house by about 6:30, and I didn't have to leave until around 7:30. And at that time in the morning there was a choice of two things on T.V. to give myself a quick fix, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, and Saved By The Bell. From the Power Rangers, my cum slut of choice was the Pink Power Ranger, and from Saved By The Bell, Jesse. I can't tell you how much time I spent in my room when "Showgirls" came out. I would choose which one to spank to depending on when I woke up. Since the Power Rangers came on first, I'd blast off to that, which is what I preferred more anyway. If I missed it and Saved By The Bell was showing one of thier old shitty shows (with Miss Bliss, A.K.A. Good Morning Miss Bliss) I'd usually find some early morning areobics show on.

At night is when I'd usually use my imagination in the shower. If not that, I had a big Cindy Crawford poster to help me out, or the bra & panties section in my mom's Sears magazines.

Then.......we got cable. And we didn't just get cable, we got all the premium channels to go with it. Showtime, HBO, Cinemax, Disney. We had it all. Now my nights had a lot more variety, including one extra show in the mornings. That show was Mousercise on Disney. Now for those of you who have never seen this show, it's just like any other workout program except there's a bunch of kids in it. You're probably finding this really disturbing by now, but that's half the reason I'm telling you. I didn't jack off to any kids though, only to the head woman of the show. The fact that I'm whacking myself to a show that includes one woman surrounded by a bunch of kids is pretty wierd, that wouldn't stop me though, not even today if the show was still on. I can't remember the names all the softcore porn shows on the premium channels, except for Real Sex, & Red Shoe Diaries which I don't think I even watched. But these shitty failed actresses didn't go unnappreciated, at least not in my room.

When I was 13 I broke my leg and had to stay home from school for about two months. The only things to keep me entertained during that time was a Super Nintendo & my dick. I think I jacked off so much during that period I produced enough spunk to fill up a 10 foot swimming pool. One day I was going at it while watching some shit on MTV where all these girls are dancing on a beach or some shit. I got out of my wheelchair & onto the floor, shorts down, conditioner in hand. Right as I was finishing I heard a car door shut. It was my mom. I didn't want to pull up my shorts and run the risk of soiling the crotch, so I tried speeding it up some and tightened up to try and get it over with as quick as possible. Then my one good leg completely cramped up. So here I am, on the floor, one leg in a cast, the other leg completely immobile, my dick in one hand, a cum covered sock in the other, and no idea of what the fuck to do. Not to mention I couldn't pull up my shorts because my cramped leg was bent and my shorts weren't even on that leg. You're probably think I got caught, WRONG. I haven't been caught jacking off before that, and wasn't about to. Even to this day no one has ever caught me jacking off, because I'm a mother fucking ninja when it comes to that shit. I threw the crusty sock between the T.V. stand and the wall, pounded the fuck out of my cramped leg until it loosened up, pulled up my shorts, hoised my chubby ass back in my chair, changed the channel, turned the SNES on, and I was home free. My mom literally opened my door as soon as I got settled in. If you've seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the ending was pretty much like that.

I've pretty much spent the rest of my sessions on the internet after I got a computer for my 14th birthday, nothing special. But no matter how much sexual gratification I would get from my girlfriends or my wife, I'd always find the time to love myself. I won't stop until my dick falls off.

I'm sincerely considering on saving all the sperm I whack out of myself in a weeks time just to see how much I shoot out, I'll give an update once I'm through. But I don't think I can put out so much because I'm always unloading my gun.

Here's a list of some of the oddest things I've jacked off to, jacked off with, and jacked off in.

Top Things I've masturbated ________ that you probably haven't

With

A flat inner tube
A fat blow up doll
A 10lb weight (didn't work out too well)
My wife's armpit
A hand puppet

Granny Porn
Pictures of dead bodies
Passion of the Christ
My own ass in the mirror (back when I had a sweet ass, purely experimental)
Shit Porn (works)

Every place I've ever worked at
Portable Toilets/Johnny on the Spots
My brother's shoe
A wrestling ring
My neighbor's house

I'm done.

Fair Fighting

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 09:02:49 GMT

Obviously I know the meaning. What I don't understand is how people tend to believe that fair fighting should take place in a street fight. There's only one place for fair fighting, and that's at a sanctioned event, such as boxing or the UFC.

The idea about this entry came after a discussion with a coworker who was talking about a fight he once saw. He explained how this one guy was getting his ass handed to him and eventually pulled out a knife and stabbed the shit out of the other guy. He then called the guy a pussy because he couldn't fight fair. Why?

I honestly can't see how this is an example of an unfair fight for one main reason, it was a fucking street fight. When you get in a fight, there's three main goals to accomplish. That's to either hurt, mame, or kill, by any means necessary. If someone is getting the better of you, the last thing that should be on your mind is "fighting fair". Do you honestly think that the person pounding your face in is concerned for your well being? No. They want to kick the shit out of you & leave you in a pool of your own blood and piss. And in some cases, some people don't know when to stop the beating, and end up killing the other person. Although killing is in the three main goals, it's probably the last thing you'd want to resort to.

That shit sounds like something you'd hear in grade school. "Hey, two kids are beating up one kid, that's not fair!" Wahh wahh! Fuck you.

In a street fight, everything is fair, whether it be a bench, a parked car, a rock, or even one of your buddies jumping in to help out in a desperate case. Dumb asses may look at you like a pussy, but you'll be the one pussy who isn't being carried away in a stretcher. It's not about honor, it's not about respect, it's about survival.

So what should you think about when fighting? How about survival? You don't know how far the person you're fighting is going to go, everything you've tried doesn't seem to work, so what's next? You could run away, which is ok, but what if you can't? Let's say they're already on top of you trying to bash your head into the pavement. Well at that point you're probably fucked already, but we'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe you don't have a knife, how about a set of keys? Put those fuckers between your fingers and give them a nice hook, or take one key and stab them in the eye. You can make a weapon out of just about anything. If all else fails, stick your finger in their ass, it works.

I've been in quite a few fights, and I've always fought dirty, even when I really didn't need to. Mainly because when I fight I don't fight to knock someone on their ass a few times to put them in their place, I fight to make sure they are no longer a threat to me, and aren't getting up anytime soon.

To this day I carry a set of knuckles with me. And if I ever get the opportunity to use them I will, no matter how weak, strong, short, tall, skinny, fat, or emo my enemy is. I'm going to use them to my advantage. Now I'm not going to try to sound like a hard ass & say I've never lost in a fight, because I have, but I've always walked away in one piece, and most of the time I've left them something to remember me by.

It's really quite simple, anything is fair play in a street fight, if you have access to it, use it, because you may not get another chance. There are no rules, people just can't seem to realize that.

This isn't my usual style of posting, but I feel it needed to be said. A lot of people believe in this whole "fair fighting" crap, & it just isn't worth the risk.

I have yet gotten to try these knuckles out.

Picking Cotton

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 08:54:56 GMT

Two nights ago I got me some puntang. That's a big deal to me because I'm married, you'll figure it out sooner or later.

My wife and I usually do it in three set ways:
1. We just fuck
2. We trade oral
3. I eat her pussy & fuck her real quick so I can go back to whatever I was doing.

We did #3 as we usually do, mainly because besides being an ignorant prick, eating pussy is what I do best. Plus it's the quickest, I can get the job done in 2 minutes or less and then take care of my need in 10 seconds or less. My doctor says I suffer from premature ejaculation, I don't see how I'm suffering.

Anyway, this particular session was special, because my wife forgot to take her tampon out, so when I gently plowed my man-sausage inside of her it pushed her tampon deep into her pussy. She told me afterwards but I must have thought she was just imagining things, because I offered no help. She comes home from work the next day and calls for me to come in the bedroom. Usually when that happens I think I'm getting more pussy but for some reason I knew what she wanted me to do, get that tampon.

I went into the bedroom to find her sitting on the edge of the bed with her panties to the side and her hand digging away in her snatch. "I can't reach it, you have to get it out." she said. On my first try, I tried shoving my whole hand in, just to see if I could fist her yet, didn't work. So I stuck two fingers in, dug around, and pulled it out. Now I don't know about anyone else, but that shit was fun, they should make a sport out of it.

My mind over-exaggerated and led me to believe I'd pull out a blood soaked tampon with sperm slime oozing off of it, but it was pretty clean. One thing though, it smelled like hell. If it would have been bloody you could have mistaken it for a squashed decomposing rat, but it was good enough for me.

I tried convincing her to let me take pictures while I was digging but she wouldn't go for it, but I did talk her into taking one picture.

It may not seem so sick, but just remind yourself that this very tampon was up my wife's pussy for about 15 hours, plus it had my spunk on it, and it smelled like death. And the only reason I have just the string in my teeth is because my wife said she wouldn't take the picture if I was licking it or had half in my mouth, I tried.

But you know what, this should be a lesson to you people. This right here, is love. The day you are willing to fish out a rotten tampon from your girl's cunt is the day you know you truly love the bitch.

Colorbars Are Fucking Stupid

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 01:43:47 GMT

Baby Raping is Love

I'm sure someone has made one of these already, but I thought of it myself so fuck you.